Duo in Wonderland
by Rev Raptor MK II
Summary: Parody of 'Alice in Wonderland'. Duo falls down a rabbit hole after chasing a man with white rabbit ears and a golden pocket watch. He falls into an upside insane world where absolutely nothing makes sense. Will he be able to get back to Japan alive and
1. Down The Rabbit Hole

Duo in Wonderland  
  
Summary: Parody of 'Alice in Wonderland'. Duo falls down a rabbit hole after chasing a man with white rabbit ears and a golden pocket watch. He falls into an upside insane world where absolutely nothing makes sense. Will he be able to get back to Japan alive and sane?  
  
Rated: I'm going to stick with PG-13 for now because I'm not sure what type of content I will be having.  
  
Author: Rev Raptor MK II  
  
Chapter One: Down the Rabbit Hole  
  
Chapter One  
  
Duo yawned and laid his head back against the tree. The heat of the day was making him feel extremely tired and not very smart. For you see, his fellow Gundam pilot, Heero Yuy sat on the other side of the tree, typing away on his laptop. Duo had made the mistake earlier of trying to peek over the pilot's shoulder to see what he was working on, only to recieve a sharp slap. Yawning again, he shut his eyes.  
  
A sharp sound made Duo jump to his feet, looking around wildly. His hand automatically went to his hand gun, only to discover it was gone. Cursing, he looked around the tree for it, and found Heero was gone. There was no imprint in the dry grass, or any clues that proved the Perfect Soldiers presence.  
  
"Oh, dear! I shall be late! Her Majesty shant like that! Oh, no! Not at all!" Duo spun around to face the voice. A young man with straw colored hair, blue eyes, white rabbit ears, and a fluffy white rabbit tail poking out of his tan slacks ran by. Rabbit ears?! The young man pulled a pocket watch out of his pocket and studied it closely. "Late! We're late! Let's go already!"  
  
Sprinting by Duo, he dropped his watch. The Deathscythe pilot looked at it for a moment before scooping it up and running after the rabbit. "Hey! You dropped your watch! Wait a minuuuuuuuuuuuute!" Duo slipped on a mound of Earth and fell into a man-size hole.  
  
The remaining Maxwell tumbled in darkness for a little bit before emerging into a lighted tunnle; still free-falling. Due to the rate at which he was falling, Duo was able to get a good look at his surroundings.  
  
On either side of him were cabinets and cases. Looking down, he caught a glimpse of white bunny ears falling below. Suddenly, all the cabinets flung open. Pictures, papers, pieces of maps, glasses full of unknown substances, jars, books, and many weapons bagan to float around in mid-air. Curiously, Duo plucked a large gun out of the air where it was hovering too close to his head. He pulled the trigger experimentally, and was thrown to one wall by the force of the explosion. On the other side was a gigantic hole where the bullet had made it's imprint. The braided pilot smiled to himself.  
  
"This could come in handy. Oof!" Duo landed in a pile of sticks, straw, hay and anything else one found in the woods. He bounced to a standing position and looked wildly around the hall. The rabbit was just turning a corner in the hall that stretched before him. "Hey! Wait up!" Duo took off again, but skidded to a stop when he rounded the corner. A single three-legged glass table stood in the middle of the room. On it stood a container labled 'Drink Me'.  
  
Cautiously, Duo approaced the drink. It was a milky orange and didn't look too appitizing. Forgetting the liquid for a moment, he looked around. Doors stood on all sides of him, and each one proved locked when he tried them. A curtain ruffled to the side. Duo jumped and pulled it aside quickley. A small golden door was swinging shut, and he just caught a glimpse of a tiny white tail.  
  
He had to get through there. Turning to the middle of the room, he noticed a key on the table that wasn't there before. Duo picked up the drink. Maybe this will shrink me!  
  
Nothing seemed impossible to the Gundam pilot now. He had just followed a human rabbit down a hole. He was going to return a pocket watch for god sakes. Duo chugged the drink. The effect was nearly immediate, it shrunk Duo to the size of a plushie. He walked over to the door and pulled on the doorknob. It was locked.  
  
"Aw! Come on!" he screamed. It echoed all the way down the hallway. He plopped down on the floor and cried in frustration. Stop that! That's not Duo Maxwell! What would Heero think? Duo's inner self was annoying, but he did stop crying and finally noticed the cake sitting underneath the table. It had a little tag that said 'Eat Me' on it. It was gone in one bite. 


	2. The Pool Of Tears

Duo in Wonderland  
  
Summary: Parody of 'Alice in Wonderland'. Duo falls down a rabbit hole after chasing a man with white rabbit ears and a golden pocket watch. He falls into an upside insane world where absolutely nothing makes sense. Will he be able to get back to Japan alive and sane?  
  
Rated: I'm going to stick with PG-13 for now because I'm not sure what type of content I will be having.  
  
Author: Rev Raptor MK II  
  
Chapter Two: The Pool of Tears  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Duo looked around, then down. "Bye feet!" he said cheerfully. "I'll be sure to send you some new shoes!" How he could be cheerful after growing so large he couldn't see his feet, only he would know. By now, he was about nine feet tall and feeling quite lonely. "Ow!" he yelled as his head struck the roof of the hall.  
  
"Damn it. Aw, this sucks! How am I ever going to find that damn rabbit?"  
  
Pitter-patter-pitter-patter-pit-pat-pit-pat  
  
The human rabbit skidded around a corner with a fan and a pair of white gloves in his hands. "Oh, the Duchess will have my head! I ought to waste no more time! Oh, me oh, my. My poor head!" Duo looked at the rabbit strangely. Duchess?  
  
"'Scuse me Mister Rabbit--" the said rabbit jumped, dropped the things in his hands, and scuttled down the hall at a fast pace. "Augh! What did I say now? Stupid, stupid rabbit. Useless things. Only thing they're good for is food. Humph!" Duo picked up the fan and began to fan himself, for it began to grow very stuffy in the hallway.  
  
All the while he fanned himself he was thinking. "What an awful day so far! I never should have gotten out of bed. Let's see, when I got up I was sure I was Duo Maxwell. Yeah, Heero nearly shot me when I went to wake him up. Now, Duo Maxwell doesn't go chasing after rabbits because he dropped a watch, or does he? Well, the Duo I know wouldn't...but am I Duo? Maybe...nah!" he sighed and looked down at his hands. One of the gloves had found it's way onto his hand. "Aw shit! I don't know what I'm doing any more! I swear, next time I try to do something this stupid, I'm going to have Heero shoot me.  
  
"Huh?! What the hell?!" Duo threw the fan down to the ground and stomped on it, discovering it was making him shrink. He was now half the size of the glass table and getting smaller. He didn't want to disappear completely. "Oh! Hey, maybe now I can get through that doooooor!" the Gundam pilot slipped into a pool of something wet and salty.  
  
His first thought was that the ocean had somehow swept into the hallway while he was talking to himself, but then remembered the few tears he had shed while he had been a giant. "Aw damn! Why me? Why not Heero, or maybe Wufei?"  
  
Splash  
  
Duo turned sharply and squinted to see what thing had made the sound. He was rewarded soon enough with what looked like a half rat, half woman swimming his way.  
  
"Hey there! Care to tell me where the hell I am?"  
  
The rat-woman stopped and looked at him curiously. She cocked her head to one side and winked; which wasn't very attractive at all. Sharp buck teeth poked over thin set lips and the beady black eyes crinkled up at the corners. The deep purple hair didn't go at all with the olive green fur that covered her body and sharp little nails adorned her hands. She didn't answer, but kept swimming.  
  
"Hey you little rat! Get back here and answer my question or I'm going to go find a cat!" the rat-woman bristled and swam faster, splashing water into Duo's face. He heard it hiss a warning as the naked tail came above the water and slapped him sharply across the face. "Alright! I'm sorry! God, your just like Heero; hitting me at every chance! Please, would you come here and answer my question?" the rat giggled. Have you ever heard a rat giggle? It's quite the nasty sound. Something of a cross between a vampire hiss, helium being let out of a balloon, and a burp. Duo barely managed to contain a cringe.  
  
She lifted a paw and motioned for him to follow. When he hesitated, she dog- paddled over and nipped his arm.  
  
"Ow! You drew blood!" he looked at the rat, then back to his arm. Pulling off the bandana he kept around his neck, he tied it around his arm to stop the bleeding.  
  
"Come on. I have a story to tell. You might like it." The rat hissed. She bared her teeth in a threatening manner until Duo moved forward in the puddle of tears. The woman pulled herself up out of the water and shook herself in a sad attempt to get dry. Duo followed not long after and looked at the strange animals gathered. What looked like a cross between a Duck and a tall blonde man, a brown haired Dodo, a short Lory and an old looking Eaglet. It was the queerest bunch Duo had ever seen. 


	3. A Caucus Race And A Long Tale

Duo in Wonderland  
  
Summary: Parody of 'Alice in Wonderland'. Duo falls down a rabbit hole after chasing a man with white rabbit ears and a golden pocket watch. He falls into an upside insane world where absolutely nothing makes sense. Will he be able to get back to Japan alive and sane?  
  
Rated: I'm going to stick with PG-13 for now because I'm not sure what type of content I will be having.  
  
Author: Rev Raptor MK II  
  
Chapter Three: A Caucus Race And A Long Tale  
  
Chapter Three  
  
The Deathscythe pilot shivered heavily, for being soaking wet and not being dried often led to many bouts of shivering.  
  
The creatures on the bank all began talking at once. There were many curious suggestions as to how to get dry, and Duo ended up having quite the argument with the Lory, (whom he found out to be named Mariemaia Khushrenada, daughter of the Dodo; Trieze Khushrenada. Duo found this all to be extremely disturbing but decided not to say anything for fear of an attack), the small bird declaring that her way was the best way to get dry. Finally they all hushed down as the rat woman (who was called Hilde by the Duck Zechs, and the Duck called Millardo by the old Eaglet who was dubbed Dekim by Mariemaia. All of this confused Duo, who had never been good with names) stepped into the circle of animals and cleared her throat.  
  
"I have a way to get us dry. There was once a man in Germany called Adolf Hitler who aspired to be world leader and slew many in his conquest. He allied himself with Italy in order to take over America, but ended up backstabbing--"  
  
"Wait a minute! All these big words are confusing me!"  
  
Hilde glared. "Then you must listen carefully. Now where was I? Adolf ended up backstabbing the leader of Italy when he found out about it--"  
  
"About what?" Duo interrupted.  
  
"It. Now, my dear boy, how are you getting along?" the Gundam pilot sighed and wrung out his brown braid.  
  
"Wet as ever! And I'm still cold."  
  
Trieze cleared his throat and stepped in front of the rat-woman. "Then, to get us all dry we must have a Caucus race!"  
  
"A say what race?"  
  
The Dodo bird went on to explain the rules. Each animal and person could start the race when they wanted and finish when they wanted; which didn't really make it a race, just a mere running game. There was no Ready, Set, Go, but Duo started off as the first one eager to get dry and warm, and also a little exersise. The group of strange beings ran for a half an hour before the Eaglet delcared the game over. Panting, they all crowded around Mariemaia and waited for her to announce the winner.  
  
She sat tapping her chin for a bit before snapping her fingers. "We all win! Therefore, we all get prizes!"  
  
There was the immediate chorus of, "who shall give out the prizes?" then the answer of, "why he will of course!"  
  
Duo Maxwell backed up holding his hands in the air as a sign of protest. "But, I don't think I...never mind." He just remembered that the pockets in his uniform pants were choc full of random items he had gathered from the many places he had visited. He handed them out, one to each animal until he was the only one without a prize. Millardo (or was it Zechs?) shouted for silence.  
  
"The boy deserves something! What have you son?" Duo reached into his pocket and pulled out his favorite cross; the last gift of Father Maxwell. "Very well, hand it over." He complied. "Young man, I present you with this golden thing, as proof of your participation. Congratulations." The animals all croded around the brunette, clapping and whistling. Strange thing to hear animals whistle. Creepy too.  
  
Hilde sighed and sat down in her own little corner; away from the group. "I am now ready to tell you about my sad tale."  
  
Now Duo was confused. Her tail didn't look sad at all, just pink and hairy, but didn't say anything in fear of offending the poor creature. When Hilde started, her voice was low and meloncholy.  
  
"When I was but a child, my mother and father were very poor. We lived off scraps from the streets and were constantly chased by cats, dogs, and humans. True we were half human ourselves, but with the rat genes in us, we were outcasts in society until--"  
  
"Does this story have a point to it?" Dekim put in rudely. Hilde hissed at him in anger, which soon got everyone else wired and began more arguements.  
  
Duo sighed and got up, not liking the sound of so many shrill voices invading his head. They only increased in volume and set his nerves on edge. "Augh! If you guys don't shut up, I'm leaving and will find a cat to sic on you!" That shut them up. Trieze and Mariemaia shrieked and ran away. Hilde bristled and jumped into the water, while Dekim and Zechs (or was it Millardo?) took off down the hall in mid-air. The silence was welcomed with open arms.  
  
"Ah, finally. Peace and quiet." Minutes passed without so much as a sigh of the wind, which creeped Duo out.  
  
Pit-pit-patter-pat-pitter-pat  
  
Maxwell stood and looked in the direction of the noise, hoping it was Hilde or Trieze coming back to talk. (He had taken quite a liking to both) 


	4. The Rabbit Sends in a Little Relena

Duo in Wonderland  
  
Summary: Parody of 'Alice in Wonderland'. Duo falls down a rabbit hole after chasing a man with white rabbit ears and a golden pocket watch. He falls into an upside insane world where absolutely nothing makes sense. Will he be able to get back to Japan alive and sane?  
  
Rated: I'm going to stick with PG-13 for now because I'm not sure what type of content I will be having.  
  
Author: Rev Raptor MK II  
  
Chapter Four: The Rabbit Sends in a Little Relena  
  
Chapter Four  
  
The blonde white rabbit sprinted around the corner again, this time completely out of breath. Duo looked down again; his hopes diminishing.  
  
"Oh, my! The Duchess shant be pleased! I fear for my head! Oh, no. My poor head!"  
  
Duo narrowed his eyes. Just what was that rabbit going on about? 'The Duchess this, the Duchess that.' Who the hell was the duchess? The Gundam pilot opened his mouth to speak, but was beaten to it by the rabbit. It seemed to have finally noticed him.  
  
"Oh, Une! What are you doing here? Run home this instant and get those gloves and fan. Do hurry. The Duchess won't be pleased at all!" cocking his head to one side, Duo made a noise of protest in the back of his throat, but got up and ran in the direction the oh-so-demanding rabbit pointed.  
  
'What am I now? A house maid?'  
  
He skidded to a stop in front of a tidy house with QUATRE dug into a brass plate instead of an address. Opening the door and ducking inside quickly (lest the REAL Une come) and looked around. Everything inside was neat and colored white or tan. Raising an eyebrow, Duo continued his search upstairs and struck gold. After checking a few rooms without much success, he found one with two pairs of white gloves and one fan sitting on a table. Swiftly picking them up, he turned to leave when a bottle marked 'Drink me' caught his eye.  
  
Now, by now Duo knew that if you ate or drank something with instructions to do just that, you were bound to either grow or shrink. Still, he enjoyed anything interesting and was willing to drink the bottle. One gulp and POOF; down the hatch. He waited, and then waited a few seconds more.  
  
"Oh, shit! Ow! That hurts!" the lost Gundam pilot had just bumped his head on the extremely hard roof. It was quite uncomfordable for one to stoop to avoid the roof (very common, don't you think?), then have to lay on your backside with one hand out the window and one foot up a chimney. "Aw damn it!" Duo heard shouting coming from outside. He couldn't quite make them out; mostly due to the fact that one arm was plugging up the window.  
  
"Lady Une! Have you gotten the gloves and fan yet? Oh, dear me! Where can that woman be?" a series of sharp knocks sounded at the door, though it didn't open for the simple fact Duo's now too-big-for-the-door elbow was blocking it. There was more scrabbling and shouts, but soon Duo felt the rabbit brush his hand.  
  
There were many discussions on how to get the giant 'thing-a-ma-jigg' out of the window. Finally a chorus of "Relena! Relena! Send in Relena!"  
  
Duo shuddered, causing the entire house to tremble. 'God how I hate Relena. Hey! Maybe, if I can just..." the braided boy shifted (with more tremors from the house) and positioned his foot to where he could easily move it upward in one swift motion. 'Heh heh, just wait until the Pretty Pink Princess gets what she deserves ...right up the ass.' He waited until he heard a scratching sound coming from the chimney and a very high pitched voice, before launching his right foot straight up, and sending the Princess skyrocketing.  
  
"Aiiiiiiiieeeeee!!!" there was another chorus of "look there goes Relena!" and "what happened?"  
  
"It was a giant bat! Shot me straight out of the chute, it did!"  
  
Maxwell laughed, a deep rumbling sound. "You get what you deserve you Pink Pony Princess! I suggest none of you try that again!"  
  
Something shot through the window into Duo's open mouth. Coughing, he finally noticed his surroundings were gettin bigger. He had finally shrunk! Hurridly grabbing the items he was asked to get in the first place, Duo ran outside to see that Relena was indeed, and Pink Pony. He shuddered again.  
  
"It's about time Lady Une! Did you see Relena get to fly? It was really amazing! Oh, no! The Duchess, the Duchess! Must be going!" the rabbit grabbed the asked items out of 'Lady Une's' hand and scampered off. Duo followed, only to lose the blonde.  
  
"Augh!"  
  
"Lost, you braided baka?" 


	5. Advice From a Wufei

Duo in Wonderland  
  
Summary: Parody of 'Alice in Wonderland'. Duo falls down a rabbit hole after chasing a man with white rabbit ears and a golden pocket watch. He falls into an upside insane world where absolutely nothing makes sense. Will he be able to get back to Japan alive and sane?  
  
Rated: I'm going to stick with PG-13 for now because I'm not sure what type of content I will be having.  
  
Author: Rev Raptor MK II  
  
Chapter Five: Advice from a Wufei  
  
Chapter Five  
  
The afermentioned 'braided baka' spun on his heel and looked around. No one was around. Duo cursed and began walking under an abnormally large mushroom, still shooting glances around for the one who called him a baka.  
  
There was a noise of disgust followed by a, "look up stupid," which Duo did very well. To well in fact, he had to put his neck back in place just as quickley as it had snapped. Slowly, he craned his neck and began the smooth climb up the fungi. A man (or was it a catapillar?) sat with his legs crossed, eyes shut, hands on his knees, anttenae twitching and floating a few feet in mid-air. Now Duo didn't find anything wrong with this of course, but it was quite a disturbing sight.  
  
"Erm, who are you?" the meditating catapillar man raised an eyebrow; but his eyes remained shut.  
  
"The question is not who I am, but who you are." At this Duo snorted.  
  
"I asked you first, cat-dude. Who the hell are you? Don't make me get nasty."  
  
'Cat-dude' seemed to raise another few inches off the mushroom top. "You are nasty enough as it is, but very well. I am Wufei. Now that I have introduced myself, I suggest you do the same,"  
  
Another raising of the ever-so-present brow. "Actually, I go by a few names. Some call me Duo, others call me Shinigami. A few go as far to call me Death."  
  
"Well, Mr. High and Mighty Shinigami. What is it that you seem to be looking for?"  
  
'A way to kick your high ass off this piece of fungus.' "How to get the hell out of here and into the garden?"  
  
"Is that a question or a statement?"  
  
"Why does it matter?"  
  
"Because I can not determine the answer without knowing the question."  
  
Duo sighed. Boy, what a jerk-off this catapillar was turning out to be. "Hey listen you green man, I already gave you the question. Are you gonna answer it or not?"  
  
The catapillar called Wufei cracked open both eyes and glared. "Incompetent baka. Now that I know it was a question, perhaps I can answer it." Duo scowled but reamined silent as the man with the antennae brooded for a moment. "Well, Shinigami. I have an answer."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"First, the left and right will make grow or shrink. Then you must find the storyteller and all will be good." Wufei jumped down from the perch and waddled away.  
  
Wait a minute..."Left and right of what?"  
  
"...the mushroom, baka!"  
  
Shinigami gave the round mushroom a quick overlook before reaching to either side and grabbing some. He took some of the right mushroom and shoved it in his right pocket and took a bit of the left and shoved it in his mouth. His chin immediatly became friendly with his feet. Duo took the left mushroom and put it in his pocket and took out a bit of the right and ate a bit. (Which was difficult due to the fact that the bottom of his chin was resting against the top of his boots making it hard for him to open his mouth. He did, eventually get it).  
  
"Ah! Hello tallness!" Duo stretched a bit before continuing into the woods, whereupon almost instantly he came to a very small house. He dared not approach until he was shrunk to about three inches tall. 


End file.
